It sucks to have to get up at 5:30 am everyday to get to the campus library early to secure a solid study spot, but it is an indescribable feeling to have already started your day when you see people showing up at 11 am running around to find a spot.

Early birdz get the wormz.

This is the last thing I ever write about you.

I’m finally over it. I’ve made new realizations from reflecting about what you and I were here and there. Because my emotions are no longer clouding my mind, I can understand better now. It wasn’t just us, but probably many other people just like us. We thought we were so special. Inseparable? Not really; we had no trouble saying goodbye to each other but just missed having a person to be with when we were apart. Crazy about each other? Partly, but more so of the fact that our craziness probably stemmed from our disappointment from our past relationships and so we developed some sort of expectation of how we wanted ourselves to be, hoping that this time one of us wouldn’t stray. I can easily see now how our “passion” for each other in combination with the fear of losing something that we both worked so hard to keep was miscalculated into the idea of being in love.

I’m not so sure about any of that anymore. All I know is that after learning how to be more honest with myself and realizing that it’s okay to admit that I was was wrong about you, I finally feel free. If I ever think about you, I shake my head in disappointment because I got myself into something I promised myself I’d never do to myself again; I prioritized someone who couldn’t care less if I were actually a person or a piece of dirt under the sole of her Doc Martens or whatever she wears these days.

I’ve gone so far into reflecting that I have put plenty of thought about me living the rest of my life without a significant other. I imagine that at times it could get very lonely, but my God, nothing could have ever felt worse than that, which is why that fear of being alone has dissipated.

I understand now I wasn’t heartbroken. I felt betrayed. Not because you ran to whoever would give you attention. More so of the fact I trusted you, yet you mocked me for being sad about you. You used every one of my weaknesses that I openly admitted to you and used them against me. You made me feel so damn small. But guess what? I still sincerely, genuinely, truly hope you’re doing well for yourself. Why? Because I built a damn bridge and got the fuck over it.

garpgarp:

Wedding fight, 1968

from Reddit

Quick pic of part of my adventure today

@drevbr

:)

I’m in Barbados

Chasing for change doesn’t fix everything when you’re the one who needs the changing.

love:

His pledge to her:

i will kill the spiders. i will share my fries with you when you’ve finished all yours and are still hungry. i won’t ever pop my collar. i will never be rude to your tummy- when i hear it growl and gurgle. i promise to bend down and reply respectfully. i will eat the mushrooms when we order the supreme pizza. i will kiss the papercuts. and the door-slammed finger, and the counter-bumped hip. i’ll try my hardest not to get annoyed when you whisper questions and comments during movies. i will be the big spoon. i will let you win at wrestling, sometimes. other times i will not. i will go faster. harder. i will pull when you want. and tease you when you don’t. i will send you random texts and leave you silly gifts. not always. not on schedule. just whenever i want to. whenever i think you need one. or seven. i will check your tire pressure. and remind you to take your car in. i will hold your hand. i will love you.  i will love you. i will love you.

Explored Indian Beach today

Things that made me happy lately:

• That I’m spending 5 days in a beachfront hotel on the Oregon Coast

• Waking up every morning to take a long walk on the beach with Haystack Rock greeting me hello and goodbye

• Returning to my favorite coffee shops and food spots in Portland

• Taking a good long, relaxing break away from medicine (but I have to start revising again soon)

• Having Christmas dinner at one of the top restaurants at Cannon Beach overlooking the ocean

• I’m excited to be moving into a house in Barbados to finish off the last two semesters of my basic medical sciences

• I’m almost halfway to becoming a doctor